How To Know If People Are Cool
This is a simple checklist to weed out Suckies from Coolies. If you sometimes get befuddled when meeting a new humanoid, just print this puppy off and whip it out at a very socially awkward yet convenient time. We would like to thank the boys of Junior Senior for sparking this idea, with their musical intuition and outstanding sexual magical appeal.
1) How do you feel about moustaches
2) Have you ever eaten a hot dog while wearing a moustache (hug and/or kiss them at this point if answer is yes)
3) Do you have heart-covered underpants
4) Isn't being naked fun
5) Do you eat/like toast
6) Does your toast have smiley faces on it or cinnamon sugar at least
7) Squirrels are creepy devilish overgrown rodent sneaks, yes or no
8) What's your take on the whole robot thing (say this in a very sly laissez-faire manner, as if you thought robots were rather average)
9) What do we mean 'robot thing?' Wait, What's your name (ask their name)
10) Chad McSwizzler? But you go by The Chacha Chachi Chazzer? Um. Well. Anywho. (insert quick excuse here, i.e. late for your weekly Bridge/Bingo/Bunko/Bowling/Backgammon game, etc. Or at this point you might just want to resort to the truth. Because duh, the truth will set you free. So just tell The Chazzer that it just kills you to do this, but you just can't be late for your weekly Solitaire game.*
*Even though you hate playing cards and don't know clubs from clovers or hearts from those spiky upside black hearts. It's just better to be honest. Trust us.