WTF.

WHAT ever happened to Bugles?

*f

Rainbow Brain Daisy Chain Questions Sortta Vain

dear puppies & bunnies and fam,
it tis frances pimp bitch here, the artist formely known as the mistress to the late heath ledger, and founder of the The Society Club for Chicagoan Gypsies and Wanderers Club.

which, sure you can join if you come bearing a stiff entrance fee or stiff vodka-daisy drink. pick your poison, one more geese in the gander ain't gonna do nuthin.' the rules are 1) we drink club soda 2) hang at the country club in our minds in slutty tennis clawsss 3) eat club sandwiches euro style 4) do not club seals (but we hit da club wit fiddy ya know what we're saying ya know what we're saying. ahhhhh yeah). deez are da rulez.

but the main thing behind this meeting today is...well let us tell you a story. a story that goes like this: today we had no time to write on the thursday edish of f & j. the end. goodbye. we kid we kid! not goodbye just good luck. no but really really really what we is wondering is these things down below. have a parent or guardian give you consent if you is an illegal bitch. and if you is a bastard, well we do apologize on behalf of your slutty parents.

NOW RESPOND PEOPLE. we beg we beg. And we'll waive your entry fee.

a) do you like to read f & j's blog on thursdays
b) would you rather read it daily but let's just say it might not be updated daily but more like when it is we get to it but we promise it would be ultra sexually active in blog terms that is
*) are you not really paying attention you are sort of lazy-eyed and perverted
d) do you eat peanuts and mayonaise daily, if you do gross
3) did you see the lunar eclipse? did you know there's more than 100 moons in our galaxy? isn't galaxy a cool word

loyally,
fran

p.s. respond!

We Dedicate The Following Song To:

This Vespa. The Gap version. It is a thing of beauty love color and we need it. Therefore we dedicate "My Love" by Justin Timberlake, to our future Vespa of Happiness.

If I wrote you a symphony Vespa, Just to say how much you mean to me (what would you do?) If I told you you were beautiful would you date me on the regular (tell me, would you?) Well, Vespa I've been around the world but I ain't seen myself another Vespa (like you) I can see us holding hands, walking on the beach, our toes in the sand. I can see us on the countryside, sitting on the grass, laying side by side. You could be my Vespa, let me make you my Vespa, you amaze me. Ain't gotta do nothing crazy, see, all I want you to do is be my love.

*f

Marie Does.

true or false.

this antoinette sofa from urban
outfitters makes you want to:

a) eat cinni-bears and licorice squares
b) pop pepperoni bites and ham triangles
c) run nekkid through the woods with the most nicest wooly mammoth
d) sip teacups full of champagne-soaked vodka cherry fizz with licorice stirrers
e) all of the above plus teacup poodles patent mary janes and your mom's peach ice tea

*f

(the answer is 'e' ya numskull, see ya in the woods with the bites and the squares and the champy and the vodka and the tea)

Walmarts & Libraries.

file it under:
a) places NOT to meet someone to date.
b) places NOT to get stranded.
c) places were the freakies, wide-eyed zombie
peepbots, pale-eye mashy mystery gypsies, and
bag'o'syrup smellin' talking' outlouders roam.
d) places not to call home.

It's Just a Banana.

or is it.

*f

To All You P.Y.T's

This Christmas season,

We hope you find peace and solitude.

We hope you find latitude and longitude.

And we pray that you find a 

multitude of solitudinal gratitude.

May you be gratitudinally 

solutidinal in your livelihood,

blessed with peace and lovitude,

through the holiday and into 2008.

rockin' & rollin' in the usa & beyond,

*f & j

More Q & A with F & J.

Recently we were interviewed (AGAIN) by a well-known secret underground hip hot literary publication out of NYC that pretty much is a hotbed for truly avant-garde multimedia supermogels of beauty wealth power and fame so we probably shouldn't mention it by name for legal copywriting purposes and just well because the interviewer just did not understand that it's dirty outside and totally gray and are just not vibing that and our aura is just totally grumpy so the interview ended abruptly although the writer and publication do not in fact, exist. Or do they. So maybe it never actually ended or maybe it never really began who's to say we for one, cannot say which witch is which. She sells seashells by the shore.

Q: So, tell us. Frances, Judy. Why do you continue to write about such a multitude of topics on a daily basis, without knowing why you do it? Who you're reaching? Or what your goal is?

A: We were born that way.

Q: You were born that way? You mean, like how someone can be born with asthma? Or allergies?

A: No! We were born to run! We were born to be wild! Raaaaahhhhhrrrr.

Q: Did you just growl at me? Um, anyway in another recent interview you listed your favorite activity as frolicking in the forest with the polywags and the devildogs. Was that a part of your imagination or an actual excerpt from your upcoming fantasy fiction comic book?

A: You must listen to the wind of your soul, goblin, to find out.

Q: Goblin?! Did you just paraphrase a Cat Stevens song? Did your mother drop you on your head? Are you currently or have you ever been, on crack?

A: Why. Do you want some? Because two wrongs do NOT make a right Bob Barker. You are what you eat and you've never had it so good. Just keep that in mind cause you are barking up the wrong tree, Space Ghost. You of all people should know that beauty is only skin deep.

*f & j

Toyota's New Robot.

Can play at your graduation.

Rad.

We want to be a robot and or own one.

*f

Art Imitating Music Imitating Cartoons...What?

We can't say we 'get' everything David Shrigley does with Worried Noodles (this visual artist's collection of lyrics and cartoonish outlandish-ism). We can't say we agree with some of his disturbing outbursts (any bash toward an animal= no cupcakes for you, our friend. no matter how pretty are. stop batting your eyelashes at us! stop it!).

But we can say uh, hey that's kinda interesting. Hey uh, Shrigley is kinda undeniably poetic. If only in an-insane-in-the-membrane kinda way. Hey, so Franz Ferdinand, David Byrne, Hot Chip, Islands, Liars, Grizzly Bear, and Deerhoof (buzzworthy name drop) all jumped on board to record the 39 'tracks' off this booklet. And uh, that's just cool. And we just have a fondness for like nonsensical noncompoopness combined with the art of doodling and cartoon madness.

It would, at least, make for a good conversation piece slash coffee table book. Just don't have Granny over for tea and crumpets. She would have a hard time swallowing her biscuit.

*f

It Is What It Is.

Our juniper-breeze-wildflower Ma (that sounded so Bath & Body Works, no?) emailed us recently:

What do you want for Christmas?????? She wrote.

Using as much enthusiastic emphasis as is possible in print, as usual. Er, digital print we spose. And we love that about her. She has always been much more cheerleader than us. In fact, Jennaballs was actually a spring sprungy cheerleader back in high school, cruising around in her yellow VW bug. Our Aunt Juju was one too. She even won the 'prettiest cheerleader' award, complete with trophy. Not even kidding. Some days we like to think the apple didn't fall far from the tree!!!!!!!!! But fuckit, we can't even do a deece somersault y'all.

So we sent her back a list. A list that shows we is growing up like we are supposed to:
1) Nice vacuum
2) Non-stick stir fry wok
3) Stainless steel colander
4) Calphalon pots and pans

And then we realized that our list looked just like gifts that we have been purchasing for all of our friends that are registered. And we freaked. Was it a sign that we should be on that path....? Is this an unconscious message to our subconscious consciously?? Are we virtually assessing our current state of being via subliminal messages to ourselves???! Breathe. Okay, just breathe.

No. The answer is no. We are not on that path and we are not alluding something....to ourself. That would be twisted. And even we agree with ourselves on that. Because to be honest this is what our ideal Christmas list really consists of, at this magical mystery tour point in our lives. Phew, we feel so much better. Thank you, thanks for your help. And please let us know what your lists consist of and what is going on with your life. Didja ever know Christmas lists came with such twentysomething angst?!!!!! Cheerleaders of the world, unite!!!!!!!!

1) Something from Lanvin's spring show.
2) Something Christian, of course.
3) A Monopoly game.
4) Gold trimmed glasses made by our friend, Tiffany.
5) A pretty puppy named Magnus and one named Candice, who are sister pugs and friends forever.

*f

It's That Time Again.

Don't eat the yellow snow, y'all.

*f

The Businesswoman Special.

A couple nights ago, we got to talking Spanglish with our Espanol cousin Katie Rosalita. We interpreted her broken phrases nicely, and construed a pleasant conversación on what we both wanted to be when we grow up. You see, K.R. has rounded the bases in The Game of Life a little over twenty-six times. And to be honest, if she is the lead off hitter, we are batting cleanup, for we are just slightly younger and less mature and yet bulkier. So anyway we both decided, perhaps it's time to get serious. For we must leave childhood at some point. Or at least appear to do so. So we came to the conclusion that we need mo' money and our own company. That way, we can become famous and wear outrageously gaudy gold jewelry and swim in our pool of gold coins in the backyard ala Ducktales. By the way whatever happened to Darwing Duck. But, moving on to our convo.

You see, we have a lot in common with Katie Rosie:

K.R: So, I just got back from this modeling job in Florida. Modeling some like, equestrian gear. No smiling, just posing next to these big, expensive horses. You know me, sophisticated and snooty. Hahahahaha.
Fran: Hahahhaha.
K.R. Anyway, one of the horses bit me!
Fran: Ooo, ouch! Suckage.
K.R.: Total suckage! So then last week, I also visited my friend who's a first grade teacher. To check it out ya know? See if maybe I wanna be a teacher. Anyway, my friend just totally kicks ass as a teacher. Gets tons of promotions and stuff. And works her ass off.
Fran: Really? Hmmm. Go on, then.
K.R: Anyway I went and kinda like saw all that goes on...and uh, changed my mind.

So, we devised a plan of starting an online/journal entry/greeting card/stationary site. Maybe. However, we are kinda two peas in a pod. And that could make for some serious indecision. Wait, no we take that back we think it would work! But on the other hand, the business world is unforgiving. Yes, but we are resilient and ballbusting! Yet, also sensitive and we cry easily. Hmmm. Read on.

Fran: I totally know what you mean, though. Like, the more I've watched Grey's Anatomy- the more I've realized that what I really should be is a nurse. It looks cool and sexy.
K.R.: Ooo yeah, sexy!
Fran: But I suuuuuuck at science, so that's out.
K.R.: Yeah, maybe not. I suck at science too. So, I've also considered opening a lot of businesses with friends, but that didn't actually pan out or you know, materialize or whatever. And the teaching thing....well I don't know. So now I work in optometry.
Fran: Maybe we should start a business together.
K.R.: Definitely.

And at the end of the day, this gave us some hope. We just realized, that we just gotta make a change, Tupac. Start up a biz, take some chances, push the envelope, scare ourselves. Don't we all have a whole buncha magical abililty just stored right up in our noggins, waiting for usage? Just gotta learn how to hammer it out, gain credibility, and be young enterprenuers on our way to the moon with a cupcake? Right? Right. Phew, our future is lookin' good, lookin' bright. Watch out world, we are becoming business women overnight.

*f

Lighten Up, Ya Monkeys

cartoon love

*snicker, snicker.*


*j

The Fridge.

cartoon love

Are you the kind of person who walks by dumpsters, checking them out for any forgotten or buried treasures? Do you wonder why Daughtry is famous? Do you believe, to this very day, that Carmen Sandiego is still out there somewhere? Do you feel kinda guilty about that? Guilty cause your inept computer skills at the Super Sleuth level just didn't cut it. Do you ever wonder what you wouldn't do for a Klondike bar? Do you tend to make friends with those that are smart, thoughtful, drunk, and slutty? Do you ever catch yourself wondering sometimes 'I am wondering what ever happened to Sally Jessy Raphael. I wonder about that sometimes. Then I catch myself wondering about that, sometimes.'

Good. Us too. And we love that about you and us. We share that really special connection. It's just like, with some friends you don't have to talk everyday. You just get each other. And in our case- we mostly just talk and talk and talk, digitally. And you, being the good friend that you are- just listen quietly, digitally. Sending us support in a silent, yet ultra cool and uber-supportive way. We guess what we're trying to say is, you're a really great listener. You really are. Love ya like a sister or L.Y.L.A.S. We love you 'til the rain bows and the butter flies, girlfriend. Friends forever.

Anyho.

Where are we going with this?? Um, Monday fuzzy Monday. Umm...oh yeah. Well so, do you ever feel that sometimes you just go days. Minutes. Decades. Or eons (for you melodramatic folks), just feelin' like nothin' ever happens to poor little you? You sift through your day to day life like flour poured into the Sifter of Life. Sifted together with The Butter and The Sugar (The Good Times) and The Baking Soda and The Salt (The Salty Times) all to contribute to The Big Cake (Your Life)? We know! Us too. God we are like twins or something. Blood brothers, at least.

But then BOOM! You get a new refrigerator (we have named it Perry. It's so big and muscular, how could we not? It has more strength than that of 1000 fridges combined!) And like, your life totally changes for the better. Your dude actually wants to hang at your apartment now. Your friend Tom doesn't get food poisoning any more (Sorry Tom. We still feel just terrible about that). And you are like a real person now, man. You kinda wish you could do a little jig with Pinocchio, hold hands, and celebrate your realness together. You have appliances. And they are fuckin' cute as shit too.

Appliances are just the neatest thing. We just really love our new refrigerator. It can make so many things cold. It's big and white and clean. It has tons of shelves for drinks. Two huge drawers for veggies and fruits. Even a cute little like put-your-eggs-here-kind-of-egg-hole -thing. We love it so much, we might just fuggin' marry it.

Do you love appliances? Yardwork? Your washing machine? Have a household item fetish? Do you name inanimate objects kinda often/all the time? Please share.

*f

Son of an Itch.

photo love

Lately, have you been sortta feelin' like: Wintertime is comin' creepy crawlin' dead skin is fallin' cursin' and callin' and son of a building block or son of an itch, this is just terrible, shut the front door and holy coldness Batman, my skin is itchier than a muthafuggin' bitch!!?

What is up with that? Sweet Baby James, is this just Chicago or like happenin' eerwhere? Ve don't know what to do! But we fill like a party of red ants are givin' us the itchy bageechies and ve do not like it vone bit! Sometimes seasons changin' makes for a mad world, Gary Jules. Ve just want to fly to the moon with Jude today and be moonlight ladies. And eat cupcakes. Hmmpf!

*f