Sibling Rivalry on Facebook 2007
Just two weeks ago, on Facebook, we received a 'Werewolf Bite' from our kid brother. Then, a mere hour or so later.....he struck again. This time, it was a 'Zombie Attack.' Our heart sank. Our defense mechanisms kicked in. How could he do such a thing? He knowingly launched an unwarranted sneak attack on little undeserving us. Totally Pearl Harbor'd us. Plus, he had also managed to singlehandedly increase his own FB Werewolf status street cred, and up his percentage points in the whole digital FB Zombie social movement. Furthermore, he now had a 45% approval rating within this online 'Zombie community,' if you will. The worst part about it all? Everyone saw it happen, on the homepage via daily updates.
Our self esteem was shot. We felt low. Downtrodden. Our quote unquote facebook popularity was on the line, online. We felt dejected and befuddled. Would any of our friends still send us rounds of those cyber drinks? Would we still receive messages on our Advanced Wall? What about those little graphic $1 gifts? Would we ever receive one again?!? Was our so-called-life, on Facebook, like over?
No way man, we decided. We have been a member since 2004. We were around when it was merely a digi-skeleton under construction. Slowly building life and substance month by month. We have creepily looked at other people's photos, that we barely even know, for three years now. We have written drunken posts on our friend's walls. And they, on ours. We have given countless 'Happy Birthday' greetings to friends all across the country, and world. We have 'added a friend' solely because he was The-Hot-Guy-We-Never-Talked-To-But-Wanted-To-In-Our-English-
Class. We have received inappropriate and racy messages in our inbox (DO NOT liken yourself as someone interested in 'Random Play' under the Relationship Status category. Even if you did so initially because you thought it an obvious and silly joke. Because. Because. BECAUSE. Some dude named Jerry from Randomtown, USA will assume your profile is all factual. And will, in fact message you things reserved strictly for those 1-900 lines on late late night t.v. Because he is passing through your town on business, and wants to see if you're up for it. This is 100% fact. Ewww. Gross. Puke. Puke. Puke.)
Anyway, Facebook is a place for friends. A place for a crowd of mostly college-educated prepsters to hang. A place to reconnect (Are you feeling teary or nostagic right now? We know! Us too). And swap lost numbers after you drunkenly lose your phone. Again. It's a place to stalk your exes. To find out a bit more about the new person you're dating. To make fake profiles for your anti-joining friends, forcefully throwing them into the FB lion's den (really good fun and mostly harmless bullying activity, seriously). It's kinda...geeky. It's kinda like AOL-Iming-While-Passing-Notes-in-Class-and-Scrapbooking: The College Years.
But by golly, we love it. And by no means are we gonna let several sneak attacks drag our Facebook status down to like Facebook 2.0 quality. Like, Facebook lite. Facebook froyo. Cause we are like totally 5.0 full cream Haagan Dazs members. For sure. No Werewolf, Zombie, or some-new-application-we-don't-even-know-about is gonna stand in our way. Yeah. So watch it, Little Bro! We will protect our FB Coolness Factor and hit ya with a digital knuckle sandwich. We have a history together- us and Facebook. And we will fight to protect that, even if it means contributing to sibling rivalry. Online.