Seven Pretty Kitties And A Night In The City, By Frances Pimpass Bitch..
There we were. Just a harmless group of drunken city kitties enjoyin' da noise and da funk of a free dance show in Millenium Park. The Joffrey Group was amazing. The company from New York was sexy and erotic (like it!).
Three bottles of wine and a billion onion pretzels later and suddenly it was Bam! Swing! Punch! Rolling On The Ground! Yell! Scream! A fight broke out during our lovely ballet soiree. The older chap took off his belt in order to whip the younger fellow! What? We wanted to say "This is not The Passion of The Christ, this is the ballet!"
We immediately imagined gunshots and headlines: 'Seven Drunken City Kitties Wounded During Fouettes'. Wine glasses were strewn about. Grapes were scattered and split across checkered blankets. Cheese and crackers...crumbled and stomped. It was the bloodiest battle the ballet had ever seen.
Luckily everything came to a halt. But the damage was done. Our brie and crackers had been demolished. Emotional ballet scars planted. Which may or may not awkwardly resurface years from now. Heavens to betsy people! Calm down! Or go back to the zoo. And don't mess with our cheese! Or our emotions.