A Change Will Do Us (and You) Good
(Yes, dearies, our eyes would be closed too)
An Open Letter to the Owners of Hooters:
Ya know joe, change is good, it really-willy-nilly is. A new job, a new book, a new outfit. Whatever it is, it's good to keep movin' on up, to keep on keepin' on. Try that new dress/boyfriend/job on and if the shoe doesn't fit, move it on and move it up. And if the shoe does fit, wear it awhile and then change it up again. Because it's FUN. So yes, dearies-clearies, we here at F&J believe a change (whether it's to us or you) will do us good. We believe it's not only good but also necessary in order to keep a smile on our faces and content in our heart. So yes, sometimes we need a change. And honeys, we're not the only ones.
As our darling friend Blondie (not Fran) pointed out, one case of the "Change Neglect" crisis going on is, indeed, your Hooters uniform monstrosity. Oh yes. Oh my.
Since the birth of your fine establishment in Clearwater, FL, over twenty years ago, your phenomenally un-phenomenal chain (sorry, but it's true. Unless you do what we ask in the following paragraph!) has spawned 435 restaurants and who knows how many white scrunchy socks, opaque faux-tan leggings and vomit-orange Spandex hot pants. Also, faux boobs.
And all this was fiiine and dandy, in the eighties. But lads and lasses, it is now 2007 and you are planning to open one of your fine dining hotspots in Dubai, and come on already, kids - update the wardrobes!!!
Maybe it's because we really do like your wings and really would like to confidently walk into a Hooters to grab some wings, a beer and yes, have bosomy women serving us, without flinching upon seeing said bosomy women in their hideous kinky getups. Whatever the reason, update the damn wardrobes. Seriously. Your stock would go through the roof. And ya know, if all else fails in board meeting debates over this, at least -- at the very least -- please retire the scrunchy socks.
Sincerely and yours forever (unless you don't take our advice),