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(Yes, dearies, our eyes would be closed too)
An Open Letter to the Owners of Hooters:
Ya know joe, change is good, it really-willy-nilly is. A new job, a new book, a new outfit. Whatever it is, it's good to keep movin' on up, to keep on keepin' on. Try that new dress/boyfriend/job on and if the shoe doesn't fit, move it on and move it up. And if the shoe does fit, wear it awhile and then change it up again. Because it's FUN. So yes, dearies-clearies, we here at F&J believe a change (whether it's to us or you) will do us good. We believe it's not only good but also necessary in order to keep a smile on our faces and content in our heart. So yes, sometimes we need a change. And honeys, we're not the only ones.
As our darling friend Blondie (not Fran) pointed out, one case of the "Change Neglect" crisis going on is, indeed, your Hooters uniform monstrosity. Oh yes. Oh my.
Since the birth of your fine establishment in Clearwater, FL, over twenty years ago, your phenomenally un-phenomenal chain (sorry, but it's true. Unless you do what we ask in the following paragraph!) has spawned 435 restaurants and who knows how many white scrunchy socks, opaque faux-tan leggings and vomit-orange Spandex hot pants. Also, faux boobs.
And all this was fiiine and dandy, in the eighties. But lads and lasses, it is now 2007 and you are planning to open one of your fine dining hotspots in Dubai, and come on already, kids - update the wardrobes!!!
Maybe it's because we really do like your wings and really would like to confidently walk into a Hooters to grab some wings, a beer and yes, have bosomy women serving us, without flinching upon seeing said bosomy women in their hideous kinky getups. Whatever the reason, update the damn wardrobes. Seriously. Your stock would go through the roof. And ya know, if all else fails in board meeting debates over this, at least -- at the very least -- please retire the scrunchy socks.
Sincerely and yours forever (unless you don't take our advice),
xoxo,
*j
1 comment:
My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
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